Creating Balance...


As I argued with my spouse about the same thing for the millionth time; I thought about all the other couples I know.  Then I realized that people bring certain assumptions and expectations to relationships and then into our marriages, without properly communicating them to the other.  Which then makes it difficult to understand our spouses because of these assumptions. We grow up in different households where varying roles are observed, which we then demonstrate and articulate these same expectations in relationships of our own.

As individuals we merge our lives only to realize there was no agreement in how to share the responsibilities, which quickly leads to conflict.  There is always the traditional way but with women now in the workforce (and sometimes working harder than men) how is this tedious task of balance to be achieved? Take the time to communicate your expectations, disappointments and surprises. Figure out your objectives as a couple, discuss each person's role, then add the cooperative work of the team.  A relationship or marriage is much like a team.  Team defined as two or more coming together to achieve a common goal.  You win and lose together. So as in a marriage, each person playing different roles as a unit but sometimes aiding the other to achieve the goal.

GUYS... a woman's center of gravity is her home, she is driven by the well being of her family.  She filters things and experience conflict through her emotions.  The most important thing to her is acknowledgement (being heard and understood).  She seeks security a midst change, expects her partner will mature and grow in life.  She expects him to be a leader, and the love she feels from him directly affects her mindset and willingness to serve him.  She will change to support her man, and hope he will do the same.

LADIES... men tend to compartmentalize and generalize.  Every conflict is isolated and unrelated.  He doesn't  always see the big picture and doesn't realize how his decisions affects everyone.  He shy away from expressing his emotions and when his life falls off course he feels like a failure.  He feels corrections are a way of saying he isn't good enough.  The respect he gets from her directly affects his mindset and willingness to serve her.  He is comfortable with the way things are, and feels isolated by change.

COUPLES... work together to keep balance, rely on each other for support, be willing to change roles from time to time, don't forget to plan time to reconnect and work through issues. Compromise, be willing to stretch, and last but not least pray together.

"Neither husbands nor wives can have their way and a successful marriage at the same time." - Gary Chapman